


Shatter

by TheJediCode



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Episode VIII: The Last Jedi, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Anger, Angst, Episode VIII Spoilers, Hatred, Internal Conflict, Self-Hatred, Star Wars: The Last Jedi Spoilers, blood mention
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-19
Updated: 2017-12-19
Packaged: 2019-02-16 23:25:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,093
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13064358
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheJediCode/pseuds/TheJediCode
Summary: General Hux reflects on where things went wrong and what he would do differently if given another chance.(Spoilers for The Last Jedi)





	Shatter

**Author's Note:**

> I watched The Last Jedi tonight, and I absolutely had to write a oneshot about the new development in Hux's character arc.

Is this what he had been reduced to?  All of his work, all of his training, his upbringing, his dedication, his loyalty… All for this?  What had he become?

Armitage Hux marched through the corridor of a First Order cruiser, old and out of date – nothing like the star destroyer he was used to commanding.  There had been a time when he was powerful, when he was feared, and when he feared no one.  That time was over now.  What did he have left?

Fists clenched.  Jaw set.  Teeth grinding.  Polished boots pounding out an angry rhythm on the creaky metal floor. 

Where had he gone wrong? 

He stomped through the door that led to what was serving as his chambers until he was able to board another destroyer.  In the refresher, he stared at himself in the mirror over the sink. 

 _You’re a pathetic coward_ , the voice in his head seethed, _a useless piece of shit.  You’ve failed the First Order, and you’ve disgraced yourself._

The reflection he saw disgusted him.  All he could see was the face of a coward, a man who couldn’t even stand up for himself. 

_Long live the Supreme Leader._

The words echoed in his head, haunting him.  He imagined the invisible hands wrapping around his throat, and he almost wished that they had finished the job.

In a moment of blind rage, Hux swung a fist at the mirror.  In the swift second before it made contact, he regretted not removing his glove first.  Maybe then it would hurt more.  Maybe then he could feel the glass shatter and the blood drip down his hand.  Maybe then he could prove to himself that he was stronger than all of this – that he wasn’t a filthy coward.

His fist bounced uselessly off of the reflective surface with a dull thud, every bit as weak and ineffectual as he felt.  It wasn’t real glass.  Of course it wasn’t. 

Anger filled him.  Hate consumed him.  Is this what his life amounted to?

Hux had been groomed since birth for command.  It was his destiny to lead, to control, to take charge.  Here he was living in a state of desperate self-preservation, cowering before Kylo Ren and doing his bidding like a well-trained animal.

Where had it all gone wrong?

Hux had done everything right.  He had led with precision, with strength.  He committed his life to the First Order.  He was loyal, practical, commanding – everything a strong leader should be. 

With Snoke gone, it all fell apart.  What was he now?  Where was his place in this?  Surely there had to be more to his life than catering to Ren’s whims.  He was meant for more than just repeating orders.  He should have been the one _giving_ orders.

_Useless._

_Pathetic._

_Weak._

_COWARD._

The pounding in his skull would not cease.  His reflection stared at him, and he stared back with an all-consuming loathing that made him ache.  A man not prone to self-deprecation, Hux was disgusted with himself.

_You’re worthless.  You trained your whole life to throw it all away the second there was a shift in power.  You make me sick.  Coward._

Unimpressed with the result of punching the mirror, Hux opted instead to rip it down.  In a fit of unbridled fury, he tore it from the wall and sent it clattering to the floor in a flash of reflected light.  With his chest heaving from a combination of effort, adrenaline, and unadulterated frustration, he found this conclusion to be much more satisfying.

_If only the damned glass would break.  It deserves to break._

It deserved to break, to shatter into a million little pieces.

Or maybe something else did.

Maybe _someone_ _else_ did.

Hux deserved to break.  He wouldn’t, though, and that was his punishment.  Living with his own cowardice was the consequence he reaped for his actions.

He could pinpoint the exact moment – the exact second – when everything had gone wrong.  He should have pulled the trigger when he had the chance.

A huddled mass lying on the floor.  Cloaked.  Dark.  Dangerous.

The Supreme Leader.  Slain.  Utterly destroyed.

Hux had an opportunity to end it all.  If he had just pulled the trigger…

He closed his eyes and imagined what it would have been like.  It would have been a lie to say that he hadn’t dreamed of doing it before.  Ren had been lying on the floor – helpless, unconscious, weak.  All it would have taken was a single shot.  It would have been over in an instant.  He imagined the kick of the weapon in his hand, the flash of light, the sound of blaster fire.  Just one shot.

Just one.

But he had blown his chance.

_Coward._

That was what he had become.  That was what he was reduced to.  That was his legacy.

_Pathetic._

_Worthless._

_Disgraceful._

_Disgusting._

_You make me sick._

The words of self-loathing filtered through Hux’s mind one after another.  He had always been a proud man.  There had always been plenty to take pride in.  Not now.  Now there was only shame.

He looked down at the mirror on the floor.  It was still intact.  Not a single scratch marred its surface.  Hux sneered, pulling out his blaster and firing.  There was a crunch of transparisteel as the mirror shattered.  With a satisfied smirk, he stared down at his reflection.  His own face looked back up at him, busted up into little fragments, reflected back to him in multiples.  He finally looked the way he felt.

Hux’s gaze shifted to the blaster in his hand.  If he had only fired it when the opportunity arose, everything would be different now.  If he had the guts to pull the trigger, he wouldn’t be in this mess.  He looked back and forth between the weapon and the mirror, a billion thoughts flooding his head.

 _Coward,_ that voice said.  _Sick coward._   _You’re a pathetic excuse for a General._  

He holstered his blaster and closed his eyes, imagining how different things could have been if he hadn’t taken the path of cowardice.  There was so much rage and hatred and disgust inside of him that he thought he was going to crack.

And that was what he deserved.

Armitage Hux deserved to break.  He deserved to shatter, to splinter into fragments, to fracture into a thousand pieces.

But Armitage Hux would not break.  He would go on living, whole but empty.  One day, though, there would be another chance, another opportunity to pull that trigger.  And next time, he wouldn’t waste his shot.

**Author's Note:**

> I would just like to say that The Last Jedi was amazing, and I loved it, and it was magical and beautiful and perfect. That being said, MY BOY ARMITAGE DESERVED BETTER.


End file.
